Disrespect
- Laestadian Lutheran
- Jun 1
- 11 min read
The Voice of Zion June/July 2025 - Home & Family Article --
Disrespect shows up in many forms—careless words, closed hearts, quick tempers, or hurtful silence. These writings by believers from the Flathead Valley, Mont., congregation invite us to reflect on how we experience, respond to, and teach about respect in daily life. Drawing from both real-life parenting and biblical instruction, the articles explore how we can model a better way: one shaped by humility, forgiveness, and the love of Christ. In a world where disrespect can feel constant, we are reminded that the tone we set at home, in school, and in our conversations can reflect the light of God’s kingdom.
Modeling Respect in Our Daily Lives
Conor and Heather Davison
We see examples of disrespect everywhere around us every day. When we are in a hurry, we tend to be short or rude to those around us. We might not notice a person coming behind us through the door, letting it close in their face. Maybe we cut someone off when we’re driving. Or we get impatient at the cheerful but slow cashier at the grocery store.
Often the action is not meant to hurt, but it was done with insensitivity. Whether meant or not, a recipient may feel disrespected and hurt. If your careless actions resulted in hurt for another, it is right to acknowledge the hurt and ask forgiveness.
Respect at Home
Parents find it easy to lash out at children, especially when under stress. Sometimes hurtful words come. Parents can also feel disrespected when their children disobey or disregard the house rules.
Humbling to ask for a hug and forgiveness can be hard at times, yet it is important to stop and do so. There is a saying along the lines of “more is caught than taught.” Children learn first and best by imitating those around them. The best way to teach our children respect is to model it in our daily lives.
The parent who finds the good in others will not be shocked to find their children building up others any more than the family who makes going to church the priority in life finds those children continue to go when they leave the home.
God’s Word has clear instruction on how children ought to treat their parents. The Fourth Commandment says that children are to “Honor their father and mother” and in Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” Parents have a special duty to ensure that children follow these instructions and are taught these values. Just as the children answer to their parents in this matter, parents answer to the heavenly Father in this duty.
Respect at School
Children can feel disrespected when they don’t feel like they’re being heard by their parents, siblings, or their peers. To teach children how to be respectful, they need to know how it feels to be respected.
School-age kids may be mocked for things such as what they wear, what kind of house they live in, or how many siblings one has been blessed with. It is not always easy to do the right thing when one feels disrespected. When disrespected, we may lash out in anger, and we often find it difficult to forgive and show love to that neighbor. Jesus said to “turn the other cheek” (Matt. 5:39).
We all hope that our children are making good choices when they are away from home. We had a scenario where a teacher informed us that our child was being disrespectful to another student. He was asked to write a note of apology. He drew a picture of two boys hugging, and wrote a word bubble with the words, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Once again, we see how a child is an example of a child of God. We all sin against one another, yet a child has no shame in asking for forgiveness.
We can never speak too much about this topic of disrespect, as we seem to need constant reminders. May God grant us patience to show our children how we are to live as God’s children.
About Gossip
Gossip, always a timely topic, can be another form of disrespect. We know that some forms of gossip are harmless and even can be a source of useful information, caution and social guard-railing. Yet, we all know the pain caused when the line is crossed into an area of harm.
Respect for one another as fellow believers and as neighbors in a community starts with the Eighth Commandment, where we are instructed to think the best of our neighbors. Luther’s explanation to this commandment says, “We should so fear and love God as not to falsely belie, betray, slander, nor raise injurious reports against our neighbor.” This clearly forbids harmful gossip. We can think closely about the words in Luther’s list. Betrayal may be deeply hurtful to the friend who would want to keep a matter private. It may be best to let each person share their own health or relationship issues when the situation is shared privately. Sometimes what we see as harmless news can be deeply painful to those involved.
John states that “Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer” (1 John 3:15). In the same way, our thoughts with evil intent towards our neighbor breaks the 8th Commandment. Can we say we respect our neighbor if we think any manner of evil of him in our hearts? We are also instructed to come to our neighbor’s defense if any man comes to us with accusation against him; as Luther says, “apologize for him, think and speak well of him and put the best construction on all he does.”
Therefore, if we feel offended or disrespected, we are instructed to assume our offender meant well, building on these charitable thoughts by acting on this belief. This is the basis of respect in God’s kingdom.
Responding to Disrespect with Love, Not Anger
Dan Grangroth
Dinner has been cleaned up and homework is complete. Mother and father sit in the living room, talking with the children before bedtime. A child cries out from the bedroom.
A special token, hidden away, is broken in the corner of the bedroom. Mother and father comfort the child, even as they fight the anger building inside. Another disrespectful situation. Why break a sibling’s belongings?
This is a familiar experience in our home. The response varies between children and has become predictable. Some show anger, some sadness—each with different levels of noise or silence. The same is true for adults; we each respond to disrespect in different ways.
Parental Responsibility to Teach
Dealing with disrespect can be challenging. An authoritarian approach is dictatorial and may lead to obedience rooted in fear rather than honor and respect—a true change of heart.
Leniency, on the other hand, can become permissiveness of sin and lead to more misbehavior. Luther writes, “Do not coddle children. The first destroyers of their own children are those who neglect them and knowingly permit them to grow up without the training and admonition of the Lord. Even if they do not harm them by a bad example, they still destroy them by yielding to them. These parents will, therefore, bear the sins of their children because they make these sins their own.”
God has given parents a responsibility that is to be taken seriously. A balance must be found – one that establishes boundaries and helps children develop self-control. Luther encourages us to use evangelical discipline: to correct with great measures of forgiveness.
The Bible teaches us to be respectful. We also carry certain expectations of how others should show respect. When those expectations are unmet, we can become angry – and that, too, is not right.
The Old Testament outlines legal consequences for disrespectful – even criminal – offenses. Today, governments carry out the consequences of such actions. In this way, we are freed from the burden of wrath, handing that burden to those God has ordained.
Consider Joseph
When we feel disrespected, we can think of Joseph, as told in Genesis 37–45. Joseph told his brothers a dream that, when taken literally, seemed disrespectful. Yet, through eyes of faith, it was truth – not meant to offend.
Resentful, his brothers sold him into slavery. Instead of anger, Joseph chose to serve his masters and soon found favor in their eyes. Later, falsely accused by his master’s wife, he was imprisoned.
This was another moment that might have justified anger, yet Joseph continued to serve with love. In time, he was raised to leadership. A famine later brought his brothers to him, seeking food.
When offense occurs, whether from the world or from within God’s kingdom, can we lay down our anger? Or does it only grow? Joseph, by God’s grace, forgave those who disrespected him. His heart of forgiveness led to healing and restored love in his family.
Saul’s Offenses Were Forgiven
Saul of Tarsus and his men did not respect the Word of God or Stephen. When stones rained down on Stephen, “He kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge” (Acts 7:50).
Stephen’s companions might understandably have feared and hated Saul. Yet, as children of God, we want to put such anger behind us. When Ananias was called to care for Saul, he desired to be obedient. Love is stronger than fear or contempt. “And Ananias, putting his hands on him, said, Brother Saul, the Lord hath sent me, that thou mightest receive thy sight, and be filled with the Holy Ghost” (Acts 9:17).
A phenomenon today is the tendency to speak negatively of those with differing stances or opinions. Like-minded friends discussing temporal matters can easily fall into this pattern. I’ve noticed that once this type of conversation begins, it tends to grow in boldness and intensity.
Ephesians 4:29, 31 instructs us: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.”
If you’ve found yourself in such a situation, it may help to speak with others about the matter. Through conversation, you may be encouraged to view it through a forgiving lens rather than one that feeds wrath.
We also look to Jesus. The world showed Him great disrespect. That led to the shedding of His blood on the cross, and to the most precious gift we have.
We can approach the throne of grace, even in matters of disrespect and anger, and believe all sins forgiven in Jesus’ name and blood. We can make new promises and look to the goal of heaven, where there will be only peace and love – and perfect unity.
Thoughts on Disrespect
Ethan Ojala
Throughout life there are ups and downs, lefts and rights, good decisions and bad. The way we keep a healthy relationship with peers and the rest of the world is through personal actions.
Whether out running errands or having fellowship with others in God’s kingdom, everyone is responsible for their own actions. Like adults, a youth in God’s Zion wants to shine light onto this world. “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven” (Matt. 5,16).
Being an example is a big responsibility. In church, younger kids in the congregation look up to older kids, watch them and copy their actions. If an older youth shows disrespect, for example does not follow rules, bullies or speaks rudely, younger kids can take it the wrong way and think that doing any of those actions are “cool.” They might do disrespectful actions themselves.
Shining a light onto this world does not only mean being a good and respectful citizen, it also means not casting a bad light onto this world. Youth and adults in God’s Zion all want to set good examples in the congregation, in school, with elders and with families. Disrespectful behavior would cast a bad light on God’s kingdom. Being disrespectful can ruin reputations, friendships and your own self-respect.
Alexa Grangroth, age 17
The best way I’ve been rebuked by a parent or elder was with calmness rather than anger. Instead of yelling or punishing right away, they’d calmly tell me I was being disrespectful and that they expected better from me.
One example that comes to mind happened a few years ago. I was arguing with my mother, and she gently told me that the way I was talking back to her was not respectful and that I needed to think about my choice of words. This really caught me off guard. In the heat of the moment, I was just trying to get my point across and wasn’t thinking about how my words might affect her. When she rebuked me in this way it wasn’t shaming me, it was holding me to a higher standard. After I stopped and thought about how I was treating Mom, I felt bad. After I received my sins forgiven, I wanted to act more respectful, because I didn’t want to harm my conscience or let her down again.
Natalie Grangroth, age 16
The way that I identify a disrespectful situation is when someone says or does something that does not feel right. A personal example would be when I am with a group of people, and I say rude things about others. When I am being disrespectful in this way, I don’t usually think of it as disrespectful until afterwards. It isn’t right to disrespect others, and when I do, I feel bad about it.
Not only can we disrespect people, but we can also disrespect objects or property. If I am playing an instrument or a game, I would want to use them with respect. If I don’t, then they could break, even if that’s not what I intended. We want to always respect people and property. When we see someone else in a disrespectful situation, we want to approach them with respect and tell them that what they are doing isn’t right.
Juliana Grangroth, age 14
When a peer is being disrespectful to me, it is often easiest to ignore them or give disrespect back. However, the right thing to do would be to rebuke them. Say for instance, someone is talking behind my back and I hear about it from other people. I should go to that person without anger and talk through that issue. My first thought would be to call or text them, but I know that talking about it in person would be the best way to handle the situation.
Children’s Perspectives on Disrespect
Meg Davison, age 16
When have you seen an example of disrespect?
One example of disrespect I see at home is disregard for my property. My personal things go missing, get broken or taken. This can be very frustrating when my items are not respected.
How have you felt when you have been disrespected?
It is very frustrating to be disrespected, and my normal reaction has been to get upset or angry about the situation. It can be hard for me to remember that as a child of God, I should react with love instead of anger.
What can you say to someone who is being disrespectful to you or to a friend?
I think the best way to talk to someone who is being disrespectful is with love in your heart. You can ask them if something is bothering them and offer help. There may be something troubling them that is causing them to act with disrespect.
Everett Muhonen, age 8
When have you seen an example of disrespect?
I’ve seen disrespect at school when my classmates bring things to school that aren’t allowed, or when they don’t follow the rules or participate in class.
How have you felt when you have been disrespected?
I have felt really mad and upset that someone has treated me in an unkind way. I don’t like that feeling.
What can you say to someone who is being disrespectful to someone’s property or belongings?
I would say to them, “Touching other people’s things isn’t right.”
Anya Jurvakainen, age 9
When have you seen an example of disrespect?
I have seen disrespect when a boy in my class yelled at a teacher.
How have you felt when you were disrespected?
My feelings were hurt.
I could help solve the problem and say that they shouldn’t be rude to others.
Sidney Grangroth, age 13
When have you seen an example of disrespect?
At church and school when people make fun of other people about their clothes and hair.
How have you felt when you have been disrespected?
It makes me feel sad and hurt. I ask them to stop, and I try to ignore them.
What can you say to someone who is being disrespectful to you or to a friend?
I can ask them if they would like it if others treated them that way.
Discussion Questions:
How do you feel when an adult or authority figure speaks harshly or condemns someone? What might this teach children about respect or disrespect?
How is it possible to be unintentionally disrespectful?
How can we correct someone who has been disrespectful in a way that reflects grace and love?
How can respect in our daily lives shine the light of God’s kingdom?
How should we respond when we see or experience disrespect—especially when we feel angry or hurt?
How can we teach children about respect and disrespect?
What should we do if we hear someone speaking harmfully about another person—especially when it feels awkward to speak up?